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Meaning of dreams about oral sex, fellatio, blow jobs

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interpret meaning oral sex dreams

Interpret the meaning of dreams about oral sex and fellatio

Let’s delve into a subject most of us enjoy. Sex. Specifically, oral sex. What does it mean to dream about oral sex, fellatio, and blow jobs?

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dreams about oral
Dreaming about oral sex. See my lesson on dreams about cunnilingus.

Fellatio has so many possibilities for symbolism and meaning. It can connect with subjects related to sex, but you really have to expand your mind and think in terms of symbolism and storytelling.

Begin with the simplest way of describing fellatio as taking the penis into the mouth. That can mean taking in the essence or strength of a man, or taking in masculinity and making it part of you in the most personal sense.

Or it can mean talking about sex. It’s not such a stretch when you think of oral sex as a physical representation that combines the dream symbolism of the mouth with sex symbolism.

Dreams love to create visual metaphors, and oral sex is ripe with possibility for use as a metaphor. Here’s a great example of fellatio symbolism. A woman dreams about giving her ex-boyfriend a blow job. The penis grows longer and bigger till it’s jamming down her throat. If you know that her ex is being a big dick about the breakup, and she feels like he’s shoving the situation down her throat, the metaphor is obvious.

In a different context, the same imagery could symbolize talking incessantly about blow jobs or sex. The dream shows it as one thing but means another.

Oral sex in a dream:  let’s get a little closer… a LOT closer

Oral sex and fellatio can symbolize getting intimate with a subject, situation or person. For example, fellatio can symbolize “taking in” something such as knowledge, information, or even someone’s attitude like in the example above. Again, it ‘s a physical representation. The penis is taken in, and in a dream it can mean something that gets inside you in the personal sense.

meaning of dreams about oral sex and blow jobs
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Getting to know a person intimately can be symbolized as oral sex, especially when talking is involved. For example, during a conversation you and a friend reveal your most intimate thoughts and feelings. Then you dream about doing 69 with that friend. That sex position is very intimate and revealing, same as the conversation. The dream creates symbolic meaning through the comparison.

The same idea applies to learning a skill, especially an artistic skill that’s close to your heart. Why? Because giving good oral sex is an art as well as a skill. It involves technique and subtle understanding of the body and pleasure. Learning a skill and artistic creativity involve technique and subtle understanding, too.

Conversely, bad oral can symbolize awkwardness or lack of mastery or understanding.

Using your mouth to play a musical instrument such as trumpet and flute can symbolize giving fellatio because the mouth is involved and music has many associations with sex. Making a living by playing an instrument with your mouth is literally a “blow job.” Dreams are known for creating word plays like that. Flip the analogy around and dreaming about giving fellatio can symbolize playing a musical instrument that involves the mouth.

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Dream fellatio: pleasure, performance, reward

Fellatio in a dream can connect with subjects such as giving or getting pleasure, or getting comfortable with the body—oral sex requires a certain comfort level. It can connect with concerns about being a good lover. Giving oral sex requires delicacy, and fear of being too rough can show in exaggerated dream imagery of hurting your lover’s penis.

Giving fellatio with confidence in a dream can symbolize ability to take control of a situation, including but not exclusive to sexual situations. It can mean you know what you want and how to get it.

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Giving or getting oral sex in public can be associated with public performance and privacy. After all, you are said to “perform” oral sex and performance is closely associated with public attention and recognition. Oral sex in public can symbolize wanting or receiving public attention or recognition. If you dream that the attention is unwanted, it can symbolize unwanted attention or a feeling of intrusion.

Taking the idea further, fellatio—whether in public or private—is associated with reward. The term “birthday blow job” captures this idea. It can symbolize an unexpected surprise, a reward, or a return to the “good old days” of a relationship. It can mean breaking a routine or doing something out of the usual.

If oral sex is interrupted in a dream it can mean you didn’t finish something you started, or you are having issues related to finding privacy to have sex, look at porn, or masturbate.

Dreaming about oral sex can mean control

Fellatio puts the giver in a position of control. “Control through submission” has a complex psychology that’s often learned through years of dealing with abuse, powerlessness, or unpredictability. Though to be clear, it can be learned simply as a strategy for getting what you want. Oral sex can symbolize giving something with the expectation of getting something in return.

For example, learning how to deal with an alcoholic parent can involve making the person think they are in control when actually their control or authority is subverted or undermined. The person in the submissive position can use submission to reverse the power dynamic, and dreams can symbolize the idea control as being in control while giving or getting oral sex.

interpret meaning oral sex dreams
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Because sex can be used as means of manipulation, fellatio can be associated with control through manipulation. Dreams that use the symbolism this way will sometimes be accompanied by themes of seeking freedom. For example, you dream that to get out of prison you have to give head to a guard.

On the other hand, giving fellatio can be associated with pure submission or dominance. The symbolism is captured by the ways derogatory statements use references to fellatio. “Suck my dick, bitch” means, “You will submit to me. I dominate you.”

For example, a woman who was mercilessly bullied in high school dreams of being trapped and forced to give fellatio to one of her tormentors. She does it and bites off his dick. The scene is graphic, with blood and vomiting. Her tormentor just laughs, as if he expected her reaction. The dream illustrates how the dreamer is still tormented by the bullying she experienced, and she nurses thoughts of revenge. However, it only makes her relive the past and continue to experience life-wrecking emotions.

A young man dreams that his girlfriend has a penis and she forces him to suck it. The dream occurs after she accuses him of being selfish about sex and an all-around awful person, psychologically beating him down, and the more aggressive she is, the more he grovels. It makes him feel like crap about himself. Sucking her penis is a way of saying he is submissive to her.

More complex psychology comes into play when you consider that fellatio in modern times has come to be associated with instant gratification. It is “safe sex” in the sense that it can be done with no commitment. You don’t even have to take your clothes off. These associations can be used by dreams to symbolize situations where a person takes shortcuts, plays it safe, or makes compromises.

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Oral sex dreams

Some people consider fellatio and oral sex to be “dirty” or “forbidden,” in which case dreaming about it can be an expression of guilt, regret, blemish, humiliation, rebellion or defilement. Before the turn of the century, fellatio was associated with taking risks and breaking taboos. However, the banality of the blow job in modern Western culture has largely erased this association.

Giving fellatio to multiple partners can symbolize taking on multiple subjects or tasks at once. It is sometimes interpreted as the desire to have multiple sexual partners.

Autofellatio—i.e. sucking your own dick—in a dream can symbolize masturbation, because masturbating to fantasies of getting fellatio is, in a sense, sucking your own dick.

Symbols for fellatio of the phallic variety include eating a hot dog or banana, smoking a cigar, milking a cow’s teat, licking and sucking a Popsicle, and swinging a bat.

meaning of oral sex in dreams

For example, a gay male who recently started having sex with men dreams about eating a hot dog and finding a public hair on it, a rather obvious reference to oral sex.

See also my post about the meaning of penis in dreams. It has a few examples of dreams about giving head. I hope you enjoy this post and learn from it. I’m RadOwl. Talk to you later. We can stay in touch if you use the form below to sign up to receive my lesson in dream interpretation.

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J.M. DeBord — RadOwl

About the Author

J.M. DeBord — known online as RadOwl — has published over 25,000 dream interpretations at r/dreams, Reddit’s largest dreaming community, which he has moderated since 2014. He is the author of DREAMS 1-2-3: Three Steps to Interpret Dreams and The Dream Interpretation Dictionary. Recognized by the International Association for the Study of Dreams. Former dream expert-in-residence at Canyon Ranch Spa Tucson. Featured in The Guardian and a recurring guest on Coast to Coast AM.

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RadOwl

I’m J.M. DeBord, aka RadOwl. I’m a best-selling author of four books including The Dream Interpretation Dictionary, RadOwl’s Crash Course in Dream Interpretation, and Dreams 1-2-3. I also created DreamSchool.net, the online home for dream interpretation courses, and D3, a 3-step process of dream interpretation. I’ve been a guest on Coast to Coast AM, was quoted extensively in the Boston Globe, and was featured as a dream expert in Woman’s World Magazine.

37 responses to “Meaning of dreams about oral sex, fellatio, blow jobs”
  1. Thomas

    Hello Dr. Frasier. I constantly dream about performing autofellatio. In the past I had been selfish, however it was because I had become entrapped by mental cages of my own making along with cooption among other not so beneficial spirit. (whether you see that as literal or not does not necessarily matter in order to understand what that means) I have struggled with masturbation and porn, but I have cut that out for almost a year. Recently I have finally been able to perceive an attractive women of the opposite sex without the bias of my sex drive controlling my perception of them. I am just sharing parts of my development for context. I really do want to love a woman, but I believe it is an improper use of the sex drive to engage it before marriage, but I don’t know what to do with it. I am a fairly attractive male, who has intense emotions, but struggles with intimacy due to seeing the effects of using the sex drive outside of its proper context can do to a couple. I am pretty idealistic and am waiting for marriage, but I find it disturbing that the majority of my wet dreams are autofellatio even though I no longer masturbate. I had been masturbating from 11 to 26 years old, and I have had sex one time at 18 years old out of curiosity.

    If I had to guess, and I hope I don’t create too much bias, autofellatio represents to me a channel of release for my sexual drive, but it is still aimed towards my own self-gratification. I further extrapolate that it means that I have difficulty channeling my drive towards others and focus too much on myself. It is also a result of a warped perception from a young age due to consumption of pornography, my family life, and societal attitudes. It is also submission to my more base desires over long term goals, because I haven’t fully broken the conditioning. I want my sex drive to be purely devoted to love, but as of now, it is a self-serving thing, and I refuse to impose such a mentality on someone who I am trying to love. How can I submit my sex drive not to myself, but to another, while ensuring I am not selfish in the process. God has told me to wait until I meet the right woman, but for me it causes a great deal of cognitive dissonance to for example kiss a woman without engaging the sex drive. How am I to form a relationship that results in marriage, without engaging lust before the marriage? After all Jesus said that if you lust after a woman you have already committed adultery, and I am resolute in my religion and commitment to keeping sexual relationship in its proper context. Forgive me if this outside of your expertise as I imagine all of these conditions may conflict with your worldview. Any advice or insights would be appreciated.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Hi Thomas, my website stopped sending me notifications of new comments and today I just happened to see yours. I think you are on the right track with your idea that autofellatio in your dreams symbolizes channeling energy, and perhaps self-absorption is the personal characteristic behind it. It’s channeling or directing energy inward. The imagery strongly suggests the idea – it shows you “absorbing” a part of your body and highly focused on it. Also, it’s a recurring dream theme, and recurring dreams arise from recurring situations and conditions in life. It seems like your dream is giving you a metaphor to understand what’s happening within yourself. There are other possibilities for what it means symbolically and other possible purposes for the dream imagery, for example, it’s a method of self-soothing, or could be a play on the idea of “stick your foot in your mouth,” meaning saying things that embarrass you, so consider the other possibilities, too.

      On a personal note, I relate to your experience of your brain being rewired by sexual imagery, then realizing it and trying to change it. You took the first step to helping yourself by abstaining from porn and masturbation. Good. I’ll add my suggestions based on experience. The compulsiveness behind your sex drive arises from a young part of yourself — call it the “inner child.” At a young age, you started with porn and masturbation and continued doing it because it did something for you that you couldn’t do for yourself. It might be that it soothed you or gave you a new pleasure. Kids explore their bodies and how they work, and that curiosity is natural. But as we get older we continue with the behavior even though we want to outgrow it, and the reason why is because the child in us wants it. It’s fixated. Try telling a child over and over again that they can’t do something they want to do — how does that end up? You end up miserable. The child isn’t going to stop asking if the answer is simply “no.” Or worse: “no, because Jesus says it’s bad.” If you are a wise parent, you will redirect the child. You will give them understanding and gentleness, and be firm when you need to but do it like a good parent. You in the present time need to be the parent for the child within you that’s stuck in the past.

      This subject gets deep but basically it comes down to answering a question — who was first to experience existence within your body? Your inner child, and that answer leads to the insight that it’s the one really in control of your body as part of your unconscious programming, and inner child work is the path to reprogramming yourself. Many resources are out there that may help you. I personally like Jonathan Hammond’s book “The Shaman’s Mind.” It teaches the mindset for working with the body as part of a system of body, mind, spirit, but it might be to “alt spiritual” for you. Find what works for you. The other questions you have will answer themselves if you address the root of the issue for you in your inner child. Those questions about loving a woman separate from your sex drive are meaningless to the inner child and way too complex. You’re dealing with an instinctive need that’s as natural as eating and sleeping, and it’s not something you can pray away.

      Reply
  2. Andrea

    My bf dreamed that I was a porn star and was sucking multiple cocks he said he felt betrayed 😅 what does that mean?

    Reply
  3. Bianca

    I just had a dream that my ex boyfriend with whom I’ve recently reconnected. He contacted me after 4 months of not speaking to each other and he invited me over. We spent a wonderful night together but didn’t actually make up yet because he’s still not sure about it. I dreamed that he was on this bed and was waiting for me to give him a blowjob. As I started doing it, he was already wet and very excited about it and even confessed to me something like “You’re very important to me. No one gives blowjobs like you do”. Then, I noticed that in the other room, his mom and brother were watching TV and I remember I was a bit embarassed to know that they were hearing us do it. Then, my dad appeared in my dream, in a different but related scene. He wanted to leave my ex boyfriend a small handwritten note for his birthday. He was kind of agreeing with me moving in together with my ex. In reality, my ex’s birthday is in February. Do you think this dream means that in reality we will get into a more intimate or more committed relationship? We’ve been on and off again for 5 years now.
    Thanks a lot!
    Looking forward to a reply on this :)

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Hello Bianca, dreams are commonly viewed as being like oracles that tell you the future. They can see ahead in your life and help you prepare, but as far as the dream telling you if your relationship is going to become more intimate or committed, that’s up to you to decide. Dreams give the information needed for you to make your own decisions. Something that sticks out to me in the dream is the ex boyfriend character’s statement about being important to him because you give the best blowjobs. Now, as a guy I know the advantage of having a lover who gives great blowjobs, but is that really why you are important to him? For what you do for him? Is the dream showing a pattern in your relationship or in your life in general? Would you like to be important to him for other reasons? The dream hints that maybe you make yourself valued by the people close to you based on what you do for them. There’s nothing judgmental about it, but I think the dream is pointing out a pattern so you can decide if you want to continue following it. The presumption is, if your ex boyfriend values you because of what you do for him, that pattern will continue and it won’t necessarily lead you to what you want: a more intimate, committed relationship.

      There’s another idea to explore based on the symbolism of the dream. His mom and brother are nearby and hear what’s going on. Since a blowjob is an oral activity and so is talking, and there’s this theme of being overheard, ask yourself if you have been talking about subjects related to your ex that could be overheard. Think not just of physical hearing but what people sense or know about you and him. How do those people fit into the picture of what happening between you and him — how involved are they in the relationship? If they live together there must be some involvement, and the dream brings them into the picture for a reason which I can’t know but you might.

      Reply
  4. Sally Mae

    I had a dream that me and my boyfriend broke up (I’m single and have been for a long time btw) and I was upset about it and I called him because I began to find these egg sacks of spiders all over my house and then he didn’t answer but then came back and we talked it out and then I have him head (but I went all the way down on his penis and he ended up fucking my face and cuming in my throat) and then he went and laid down and then I went and gave him head again while he he was laying down and this time he just laid there… I’m a female btw… What does this mean??? Also idk if it means anything but I’m a single mom but have recently started talking to someone casually….

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      You know from reading my article that oral sex in a dream can symbolically compare with oration, conversation, and other activities that use the mouth. Then you say you’ve been talking to someone casually. Would you prefer to “go deeper” with this person (symbolized as going all the way down on him)? Are you thinking of him as boyfriend material? If your answers are yes, the dream could be referring to him as the ex-boyfriend, a way of saying he’s not your boyfriend right now. Then the dream can be viewed as you working through the situation in your mind and heart and deciding what you want from a relationship and how to get it.

      The egg sacks of spiders could represent the potential for anxieties or lots of little troubles of some kind. They haven’t materialized yet, but you know the potential is there. Inside of a home in a dream can represent your inner world, and in the dream it’s your home, meaning it comes from within you. So search within your thoughts and feelings and ask what’s been making your nervous, what has potential to “open up” in a way that you’re unsure about. As symbols I’d bet the spider sacks relate to the guy situation because you call him when you find the sacks.

      One more idea for you. Have you thought about what it would take to get his interest? In the dream he doesn’t answer you until you invite him over and give him head. I know most guys won’t turn down a blow job, but it’s not exactly true love. It doesn’t have to be, either, so ask yourself if you feel OK in the dream even when he doesn’t respond. The dream might be projecting into the future and asking you to answer these questions for yourself now, before going any further.

      Reply
  5. Winona

    In my dream I had oral sex with a man much older than me, an age I wouldn’t be comfortable with. I’m a girl by the way. I was the one giving. I was willing and comfortable to, but didn’t seem to enjoy it fully. He seemed to enjoy it but didn’t talk much.I think he originally wanted to have intercourse to me, but I gave him boob job instead. I’m a virgin, so maybe it has to do with that.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      I wonder if the dream is really about getting comfortable with adult subjects, especially talking about them. You know from reading my post that oral sex can symbolize something you talk about. Or think of the dream as getting comfortable with the idea of something or rehearsing a possible future scenario. If you were with a man who wanted to have intercourse and you weren’t comfortable but wanted to do something sexual to make him happy, what would you do?

      Reply
  6. sam sosa

    in my dream a girl 18 years old and i did oral sex at first it was not as i thought oral sex was then i started to like it,in real life in 17 going to be 18 and never have sex

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      It’s unlikely though possible that the dream refers to actual oral sex. Dreams can be like virtual reality simulations, and if you have been trying to get comfortable with the idea of oral, a dream could create a scenario to prepare you. It’s based entirely on your perceptions and impressions — you don’t have to have done something to dream very realistically about it.

      But oral can mean something symbolically. For example, the dream could really mean that you are talking about sex, even if you’re just talking to yourself about it. It can show you getting comfortable with the intimate details of a subject or idea.

      Reply
  7. Bob

    I had a dream I have this girl a blow job.I didn’t recognize her. Please tell me what it means.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Hi Bob, I finally have a moment to reply to your comment. First, view the dream symbolically. You give a girl a blow job. OK, that means she has a penis. In a dream of this type that I helped to interpret, a guy gave his girlfriend a blow job and the night before the dream he had groveled for her forgiveness after she emotionally broke him down and berated him. The blow job in that context means “I submit to you; I’ll say or do anything to make you happy.”

      But we don’t know your context. You only share that you don’t recognize her. That leaves the possibilities wide open. Since oral sex is involved, it can symbolize talking about sex — even talking in your own head about it. It can mean you treat women like men. It can mean there’s something you want to say and it comes from a more feminine side of your personality. There’s no way for me to guess without knowing more about the dream.

      Reply
  8. Ana Bravo

    I had a dream that my fiancé’s mother asked me to go down on her, when I refused she asked him & he gladly started pleasuring her right there. It was so disturbing to see, he offered to do me next but I was disgusted & left, after I came back I saw him cleaning up the mess mean he had made her cum. I woke up heart broken because we all just had a argument last night in which she was mad at me for asking for some space, (she’s literally in my finances) & he was mediating between us but I feel like he caters to her too much.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      The dream really expresses the dynamics of the situation and your feelings about it. It’s exaggerated but imagine that you want to describe the situation to a close friend and you use colorful speech. You might say “it’s like he’s sucking up to her … or going down on her.” Yep, colorful, and that’s how dreams are. They don’t flinch. The dream then shows him offering to do you next, which looks to me to relate to the detail about him mediating between you. Can you imagine after marrying him that he makes you into a mother figure? I hope that’s not the case. What a dream. I think it makes very clear how you feel about the situation. You have a lot of think about.

      Reply
  9. Amy

    l had a dream I went to this weird movie theater with my husband I went to go get something and walked out of the seating area and we got separated so I looked for him and figured he might have gone back to sit in the theater, when I try to get in through the the movie theater doors there’s a tall barricade so I call to him but he doesn’t respond right away but I can see him hat so I know it’s him. He yells back what in an irritated tone and goes back to looking straight ahead. So I ask for someone near by to help lift me up so I can climb over the barricade. I finally go over the barricade and when I get to his aisle he’s getting fellatio from what appears to be a guy and other guys are sitting around him. I’m so upset and schocked I walk away. And he is schocked to be caught. And starts attempting to go after me to talk. But I just keep walking without looking back. I can’t figure out what this dream might mean

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      This must be a challenging dream to process, but be assured that I don’t think it’s saying anything literal about your husband. Instead, look first at how the scenario makes you feel: ignored, upset, disrespected. Now, can you connect those feelings with your relationship with him? The meaning and intent of dreams like this one are usually to make you aware that you feel more strongly about something than what you consciously realize. Ask yourself, does my husband ignore me? Does he prefer the company of men? Does he watch porn instead of seduce you? Is he off in his own little world?

      I’m looking at your relationship with him for the source of this dream, but you always must consider that a dream’s source comes from within you and everything in it somehow relates back to you. Your husband could be doing something — or NOT doing something — that’s triggering these feelings, then your dreaming mind says “I’ll turn this into a story that really cuts to the heart of how I feel.” But the alternative is, your husband as a character in the story actually represents a masculine aspect of your personality, and the dream is basically saying that you are having difficulty assimilating it. So look at the dream from those different angles and ask yourself what it’s really saying.

      Reply
  10. Confused

    I had a Dream that I was giving oral sex to a guy that I’m friend with. We aren’t dating exclusively or seriously involved. We hang out and display affection through kissing sometimes. However in the dream I was providing oral sex and I inhaled deeply and ended up swallowing it and it detached from his body. I felt a choking sensation and it coughed it out and it was attached to his scrotum. He wasn’t in distress or pain and reacted calmly. There was blood visible.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Begin with the idea that you could be taking in too much of something about your friend. Whatever it is that’s too much, it could relate somehow to masculinity since the penis is commonly used in dreams to symbolize masculinity. Use the link to explore that subject. Since oral sex in dreams can symbolize something related to activity of the mouth, and talking is an activity of the mouth, ask yourself if something about your conversations with your friend is a little too much for you. Like, I’m picturing times I (as a guy) talk with female friends and tell them how guys really think and what we talk about amongst ourselves. It can be enlightening for them, but it can also come as a bit of a shock. That’s a possibility that comes to mind as I picture your dream and ask myself what it could mean. The simple idea here is you take in something about your friend too deeply and choke on it. Now view that action figuratively and you can see how I came up with that possibility.

      Something else that stands out to me is your friend’s reaction. He’s a character in the story and has to be viewed that way, as an actor. It’s not “him,” but instead the dream uses something about him as part of the story. In fact, the dream might not really be about your interaction with him but instead it relates to something about males in general and he’s used to symbolize that idea. Notice that he reacts after losing his penis like it’s no big deal. That’s a clue. There’s a contrast presented in the story between his reaction and your reaction. Begin with the question, what’s casual or no big deal to him but it’s not so casual for me? Think of what you two talk about, then expand your thinking to include everything about him.

      A dream like this can be so personal, I have no idea of truly knowing what it means. Use what I’ve given you here to think about it and hopefully you get insights.

      Reply
  11. Scobra

    Hello Dr. I had a dream that I was giving oral sex to my little sister and she was menstrating in my mouth and I even tasted the blood What is all that about ..?

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Thank you for sharing your dream. It presents a great opportunity to point out that your dream is a story told through symbolism and might have little to do with the overt imagery of the dream. It’s shocking to see yourself in such a scenario but you see it differently if you step back and ask, what is this dream really trying to say? Well, it could be saying that the way you’ve been talking is like a young girl on her period. Like, whiny, bitchy, immature, something like that based on common associations with teenage girls who complain and fuss. You view the oral action of the scene as meaning “related somehow to the mouth” then go from there. I can offer this one idea about what the dream is really saying through symbolism, and hopefully it’s enough to give you ideas to work with. Bottom line: View the dream objectively, hard to do when the imagery is so shocking, but it’s just a way of telling story, ultimately.

      Reply
  12. mark

    My wife admits she still dreams of doing fellatio on her ex who left her when she cheated on him. She wants my OK to approach him about doing this. I am considering it as I truly love/trust her and would allow this as a one time thing.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Hi Mark, the dream is probably symbolism for something such as still being attached to her ex or thinking about him sexually. My hunch is it has nothing to do with needing to actually give her ex fellatio.

      Reply
  13. Felix Horatio

    I searched for the symbolic meaning of fellatio and found this right away which I consider to be a bullseye. Your wisdom in these matters is clear and your ability to navigate symbolic relationships in daily experiences is welcome indeed. How much do you consider active daydreaming to follow the same sorts of symbolic rules? For instance, my curiosity was driven by my interest in my own relationship to giving head which I did anonymously in the past. I now play out those fantasies by watching fellatio-related porn of all gender varieties. [I love oral and get to practice on my wife often!] I’ve gained much understanding about myself since those years of riskier behaviors – much of which has been aided by my increased understanding of the difference between sexual identity and gender identity and my increased comfort with myself as a submissive husband in a heterosexual relationship who has arrived at a sense of himself/myself as gender queer to a degree. When I watch these videos, I identify with the giver. Sometimes, there’s shaming involved, often the themes are misogynistic by nature. I view this as using fantasy to play out my emotional complexities around the idea of fellatio as giving/submissive behavior with the shame being leftover from a childhood of emotional neglect. So, I’m basically healthy, right? I can feel really guilty sometimes for giving my attention to misogynistic material especially. Yet, I feel this is part of my balance as a very caring, giving husband who also is incredibly grateful for being a stay-at-home parent. My societal-related (lack of) power issues compound themselves often! Thanks for the forum to share these thoughts and questions.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Daydreaming is an extension of dreaming. How “dream-like” it truly is depends on your ability to avoid rational judgement while daydreaming. Both dreaming and daydreaming use the same brain cells and faculties of the mind. They’re essentially the same, except while asleep and dreaming the rational mind and senses are shut off for the most part. It’s more of a fully immersive experience.

      This post about oral sex is quite popular and I think that’s due in part to it being a subject that’s not explored from the perspective of symbolism and as an experience that teaches you something about yourself. When I wrote it I wondered if I went too deep into the dominance, submission, giving/receiving and control aspects of oral sex. But your feedback tells me I’m on the right track.

      Dreams like to address these hidden dynamics. Thank you for your feedback and I wish you the best as a stay at home dad. Remember, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. In fact, it takes more maturity to allow your nurturing, gentle side to show. We’re in an age when gender roles are being redefined. It’s still tough sometimes to feel like you’re on the outside of the norm. I suggest that you embrace it and think of yourself as the vanguard for a new understanding of masculinity. You are still every bit as much of a man as other males.

      Reply
      1. Felix Horatio

        Thanks for the encouraging words. It never hurts to hear, though I do reflect on those exact sentiments and my wife is quite grateful for the support she gets to be as successful as she is providing further validation. It can be a lonely place considering there aren’t a lot of men in my position much less wanting to share their feelings about it. Yet, it is changing ever so slowly.
        As for the daydreaming, I think of it as more than a hobby – and not just when self-pleasuring. I lived in a very fantasy-oriented world as a child to buffer myself from harshness in my surroundings. I am now working on writing fiction. I’ve developed a YA, sci-fi scenario that postulates a set of dimensions inherent in our reality through which our consciousness can travel and which also is the medium in which dreams occur. So, the Jungian understanding of symbolic interpretation of dreams means much to me. Daydreaming is a function I’ve learned to recognize and try not to interfere with once I recognize its presence. When I find myself drawn to certain scenarios, I allow myself to semi-consciously pursue them from time to time. Sometimes, I’ll take a break and attempt to engage myself in restarting the daydreaming as a way of free associating into a meditative meta-state. For this reason, I try not to fear the directions of my dreams whether awake or asleep. Still, it can be disturbing.
        Obviously, coming across your blogs and your very like-minded approach to practical applications of symbolic dream interpretation is wonderfully encouraging! You have a new follower.

        Reply
        1. RadOwl

          Two things. Thank you thank you thank you. And two, be sure to check out The Art of Dreaming by Carlos Castaneda. It will inform your fiction writing and perhaps give you more great ways of using daydreaming.

          Reply
  14. Alien

    I dreamt that I was giving oral sex to about three guys, I don’t remember the other two, but I know for sure that one of them was either the student council president or my friend on the cross country team.
    Either one of those guys would have been strange, as I have an AP Chemistry class with both of them, but I don’t really talk to the stuco president very often. The cross country kid is a good friend of mine, we also have Spanish together, we’ve been pretty close lately but it’s in no way a romantic or sexual relationship, were just good friends.
    So that was a bit of background, but what was really strange, was that I couldn’t fit the entire penis in my mouth? It was large, but ugh it’s just so weird to think about. I have never performed am act like that in real life. I’m only a junior in high school if you couldn’t tell. There was also a doctor that walked in on all this, and he told me a had a problem and that why I loved dick so much.
    Weird weird weird. Why did my mind plague me with such unholy images.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      The imagery is symbolism and symbolism is used to make a point. The trick is to step back from the sexual connotations and see the potential for storytelling. Look at your dream as simply saying “trying to take on too much at once.” It could relate to your classes because the characters from the dream represent people in your classes. The characters don’t represent the people, instead they represent how they’re associated with you. See?

      Reply
  15. Lorena

    My boyfriend dreamt of giving my son who is disabled a blow job! I understand dreams have certain meanings I am curious to know what this could possibly mean!!

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      First, separate out the sexual part of the dream. It’s symbolism for something. Hard to say what the dream means without more detail, but I can give ideas.

      1. Your boyfriend is “breathing life” into your son. You say your boy is disabled. I bet he needs extra attention and care. Does your boyfriend give an extra level of attention and care and take personal interest? If yes, I can see how the dream imagery is a metaphor.

      2. Dreams like to use word plays as metaphors. I wonder, is caring for your boy a “blow” to your boyfriend’s “job?” Does it interfere directly or indirectly? Or, play with that idea of a job being a responsibility and caring for your boy is a responsibility. The dream could be making a comparison.

      3. A blow job requires a certain tenderness and care. Do you see what I mean?

      4. If your boyfriend is teaching your son like a father teaches a son, I can see how the dream could be a metaphor for that. He’s putting his attention and energy into teaching your son to be masculine, and the penis is the most closely identified with masculinity.

      I remember when I first found out that in some cultures, mothers suckle their sons’ penises to calm and soothe them. In Western culture that’ll get you locked up, but in other cultures it’s simply understood as a means to an end. If your boyfriend calms and soothes your son, the dream could be using a blow job as a metaphor for those actions.

      Whatever you do, understand that dreams use symbolism and this dream is definitely symbolism! It can be viewed in a very positive light if shows that your boyfriend will do anything to care for your son.

      Reply
  16. Grace T

    I dream of seeing a dead prostitute’s body full of blood, her throat was slit (client’s cut off dick was close to her mouth on the floor so I think she was giving the client a blowjob before she died) but the client was not next to her dead body. Then I saw someone cleaning and sharpening his knife outside the brothel on the road.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      The imagery is tough to decipher without more context and sense of how you feel about it. Was it shocking? Horrifying? Curious? Did the prostitute or John get what they deserve or is it a terrible crime? Imagery like this could express something as personally mild as an argument about sex (argument because of the reference to oral activity and sex because of the reference to a sex act), to feeling rage about being treated like a prostitute. The best clue comes in the presence of the guy with the knife. A knife could symbolize an incisive wit or intellect or words that cut and harm. Cutting off the penis is a classic symbol of emasculation, but in this case it seems that everyone loses (prostitute loses her life; client loses his dick).

      From past experience with dreams featuring brothels, I know that it can characterize a place where a person works. When you feel like you are giving up something essential about yourself to do the job…yeah, you feel like a prostitute. I wonder in this case if the imagery combines both ideas, of feeling like a prostitute and feeling emasculated.

      Reply
  17. wanda k Coleman

    In my dream i was sitting on a couch and a female friend of mine was sitting on another couch on the opposite side. There was an old man in a bath robe that sat on the middle couch. Then this other old man comes out of nowhere and starts giving a blow job to the first old man. Me and my friend were shocked at first and we even turned away at first and giggled. Then we just looked. I believe the old man that was giving wanted us to do the same to the first old man.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      A blow job involved the mouth and the mouth is used for talking, so dreams about blow jobs can tie in with the things you talk about. The fact that the men are old could be a way of saying that the subjects you talk about with your friend are old. You know when you reach that point of knowing someone so well that there’s nothing new to talk about? You can also look at it as the dream is speaking to the need to put some excitement into your life. Do something for the thrill of it.

      Reply
  18. Jon Kassaw

    I hada dream of young woman, verybeatiful, long black hair, I was trying to take a taxi but she would get in car and seduce the drivers and perform oral sex and it made me disgusted and she offered me the same and I declined annoyed.

    Reply
    1. RadOwl

      Begin there and scan through your recent life looking for parallels. Leave out the blow job part, that’s only a way of creating a scenario that has some sort of parallel with what’s going on in your life. The most important consideration is the basic idea of turning down an attractive offer because it feels wrong to you. And remember to consider your inner life, too. Dreams can be based on events in your outer life, but usually they focus on your inner life and an “event” can be an entirely internal experience. I think in this case we can narrow down the possibilities to something that made a strong impact on you. Also, because you are a passenger in the story, the situation the dream connects with might be one where you are not in control or making the decisions.

      Reply

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J.M. DeBord (RadOwl — Senior Moderator at r/dreams · Former Dream Expert at Canyon Ranch Spa · IASD Conference Presenter | Featured in The Guardian & Coast to Coast AM & NY Mag / The Cut
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